Yipes!!!!

Ok so I have a few postings to make up for being gone so long lol so there are new post under this one. but if I don't make them all in one day i'll forget that I wanted to post about it.... so here goes this one and titled Yipes i think is appropriate and you will find out why...

I have this friend that I have known my whole life we met she was a toddler we moved lost contact and found each other again in high school and we have been close ever since through out the good and the bad times.. somewhere along the way my friend has turned into a huge alcoholic with extensive problems one also being the relationship she is in now that is very abusive and I can not nor can anyone get her away from him. she calls me cying all of the time begging me to come find her she of course will be drunk and riding the roads saying he is after her and of course i run out the door to travel and hour and half away to try to find her and i can't but i get a picture of him texted to me with his head bandaged up and a message telling me "what you are ho" that I don't understand and I am not trying to all i do know is she stopped her car and allowed herself to be caught by him again. I don't know how to get her help or where to turn her parents is not an option but this is not a post about that i'll have to make on on her later and it will be extremly long.... years ago after high school melissa married michael we were all very close they moved him being in the military and after a few years settled in louisiana not to far from with in less than 2 hrs driving distance... down the road melissa discovered she was bi-sexual and for some reason thought that I wouldn't be her friend any more because of her new found sexuality which of course did not change our friendship after all its her preference not mine and I am not going to throw a good friend away because of that.... later her and michael divorced and she married another man that ended in divorce and she met stephanie...
stephanie reminded me of tom cruise really and truely she did in her looks but they stayed together through the years and we all would hang out together and stephanie and I became close friends through her and melissa's relationship... they break up melissa goes through numerous relationships and ends up with the abusor she is with now....

in the mean time she keeps contact with stephanie which she knows she still has some feelings left for her as a friend... and also stephanie and I still remain friends we talk on the phone with each other and before hanging up we tell each other we love each other which is no big deal to me we are good friends and care what happens to the other one we all tell our friends we love them right? and not think twice of the innocents of it right??... well i know I do and i don't think twice about it but maybe i should of........
a week and a half ago my phone rings its 1:30 a.m its stephanie.. she has been drinking but she wants to know if i had heard from melissa because we both have just been ill and worried sick thinking the next time we hear anything it will be someone telling us she is dead that is our worst fear and one I am afraid will come true if she don't try to help her self...any way....
we talk further and stephanie heard a song a strange time in the morning to be calling someone wanting to know the name of a tune but she thought of melissa the song turned out to be L.A. Guns "what happened to jane."

Then she goes "ya know why don't we ever go out any more? I mean we are friends right?"
me." yes we are friends and I dunno your always working I am always working. I am in a relationship and its looking serious and he really didn't like it when me and some of the co-workers go out to the club in the town we work in but he knows he after I explained to him I got what I want I am not looking for anyone else I don't want anyone else I am only going out with co-workers we are having a few drinks a few laughs and we leave we come in together we leave together we don't leave with anything extra we didn't walk in with and he seemed to be some what ok with it."

stephanie."oh, well why dont' we go out sometime the only times we have gone out and done anything melissa was always with us unless my being gay bothers you."

me." stephanie come on you know it don't bother me never has bothered me so why would it bother me now?"

Stephanie." I dunno i just thought maybe you wouldn't want to be seen with me."

me ." you crack head! I am working this weekend and the next weekend i'll have time off during the week what do you want to do do."

stephanie." why didn't we ever get together?...{me listening to what she just said thinking huh what does she mean by this that is an odd way to put something. god i am such a dumbass sometimes!!}.....I mean I know your straight but why didn't me and you ever hook up? I have loved you from the day we met. your a good woman I need a good woman in my life you will keep me grounded... it wasn't melissa I stayed with all those years it was wanting to see you the reason why I stayed with her."

ok i am freaked out at this point. and not sure what the hell to say I mean this is a good friend...friend we talk we share idea's like friends do..we crack jokes with each other we hang out or used to alot with melissa we still stay in contact via the phone and we give advice when needed like friends do holy shit houston we have a problem.....

me." um..well steph.. I um {yeah i am a studdering idot right now}

Stephanie." see there ya go your bothered by me being gay... just let me take you out i'll treat you good you will never have to want for anything you know this i'll take care of you."

me." steph as a friend we can go out but um i you know I I I am just well you know striaght."

stephanie." but I love you."

me." shit i love you to as a friend. your a great friend."

stphanie." your a good woman I need you in my life look at my past look what i have found they all have been no good for me. but you are."
me." look its late i got work in like 3 hours."
stephanie." I am sorry I didnt' mean to keep you up i didn't realize it was this late when i called I'll come by monday i am off of work can I come by monday and we talk. maybe go somewhere I won't bite you and I won't do anything to you . you don't want done . I mean well you know what I mean I won't do anything to you."

thinking to myself oh shit what do i do?? how am i going to handle this.

me." ok monday i work off that morning i'll be home we can talk and we can go do something but steph we are friends and friends only."

stephanie." i know we are friends but i do love you always have. good night."

phone hangs up I am wide awake now how do i go back to sleep after something like that.

a few days ago my phone rings i am on a call at work its stephanie wanting to know where i am she is in the town i live in and thought i was off i had to cut the call short and didnt' get to talk to her then... i got to talk to her again after that..
again she wanted to know when was we going to go out this time as friends and she apologised for the phone convo we had earlier she had been drinking but her feelings are still the same. but she asked me again how come me and her never got together and I flat out told her because i am straight and in a relationship with a man i like men i do i do i like green eggs and ham and men one man in particular and she seemed to understand this like she did when she first asked but how do i handle this. stephanie is a good person and has been caught up in some really bad sucky relationships where the people take advantage of her generousity and she does take care of the person she is involved with she is honest about that but the fact of the matter still stands she is a woman, I am a woman, she likes woman , I am a one man woman and no in between. I do not want to hurt her feelings I need some good advice with this one. now you see why my title is YIPES!!!